Have you ever thought that you have lost the most in a decision that wasn’t even made by you? The ignorance, avoidance, inability to view or experience that again? Something you didn’t wish for yet were made a part of? With emotional coercion? You were just dragged into it by your destiny or fate? And you just stood there virtually gaping at the permanent, irreplaceable void, freshly carved in you? The void that threatened you every now and then reminding you of the loss, your loss that won’t be infused by anything or anyone? You stood there in an effigy-state, still, trying to rationalize and deduce everything? You didn’t cry, you didn’t laugh; you did smile but it didn’t touch your eyes? You stood still, without any regrets hoping that it would have been easier with some strings of regrets attached to it? You wanted to cry aloud and let it out but you couldn’t find an outlet for your dammed up emotions? So instead, you just laughed on everything that wasn’t even funny? Laughed so much that it suddenly made you cry? Your inner self bawled at you about how you couldn’t fool yourself? You shouted, howled and cried but tears refused to stream down your cheeks; so you waited, waited for everything – the tears, the emotions, the feelings to start anew?
The wait seems eternal; something that scavenges off you, feeds off you, wearing you every succeeding day. But you are helpless. As helpless as a soul trapped in a delusional universe. You know the wait will sink you in it like a quicksand, gradually and steadily, causing damages that won’t be seen or noticed on daily basis but when viewed in lump sum it would have ended up inflicting colossal damages. But still you admire every bit of that wait, because that’s what you wholly and solely want, because you know it’s only that, what you are waiting for will fix you like nothing else in the world ever will.
And then you are found there; amidst a barren land on an independent, isolated island of your own where the horizons are bleak, waiting –
Waiting for the all the wait to be worthwhile. . .